Poor results on the field, lower than expected attendance figures. Things are not good at Energy Drink FC lately. These problems are also compounded by the downturn in the economy, where consumers have become more frugal with their discretionary spending on items like recreational beverages.

Marc De Grandpre was the first victim of "underachieving corporate goals'. Erik Stover was brought in to try and turn fortunes around, but he's finding out how hard it is getting this team out of the shitter.

So what's a club (we use the term club extremely loosely when referring to these clowns) to do when seemingly everything is written in red ink?

Fleece the fans!

Taking a page out of the time honored playbook of the most famous clubs in the world, our Austrian overlords have decided to surprise the fans with a third kit to be launched in the near future. The original idea was for the third shirt to be used only during international competitions. Then word got back to Salzburg that our "club" had not qualified for any of those.

Without a prestigious international cup match to launch the shirt, they came up with the next best thing... Beckham Day At Giants Stadium! Ah yes, all the world's eyes will be on East Rutherford when DB23 comes to town.

So designers set pen to paper trying to design the best third kit. The Austrian Overlords stressed they wanted to incorporate the most advanced technology available.

We now proudly present..... Energy Dink FC's official third jersey, shown here before any other media outlet thanks to our undercover mole in the NYRB organization:



Our fearless mole in East Rutherford risked his life to capture this exclusive photo on his shitty cellphone camera. We apologize for the poor quality. This image was captured while the team ran around in their new "kit" for a training session at Giants Stadium. Our mole tells us a group of men in black suits with thick Bavarian accents were watching from the press boxes. Representatives from Energy Drink EF ZEE. (Austrian contingent) and adidas slapped eachother on the back, marveling at their latest innovation in sport performance apparel. When asked if the heavy trays will hinder the players on the field, one accented gentleman laughed and replied "have you seen them play lately? They barely move anyways! We don't care if they win, we just need more units moved" They then toasted to "new sales opportunities" before heading off in their stretch limos.