D.C. United, Volkswagen ink sponsorship deal
Five-year partnership highlighted by jersey sponsorship rights and collision impact studies



Washington DC - D.C. United and Volkswagen of America, Inc. today announced a five-year partnership agreement that will see the two brands join forces in a landmark deal that includes Volkswagen's logo on the shirts of the most successful team in the history of American professional soccer and the world. Volkswagen will also be prominently featured through a variety of other club and in-stadium marketing components such as Big Gulp cups, branding on the tampon dispensers in the mens rooms, and a tattoo on Jaime Moreno's forehead.

In what is said to be a first of a kind deal, United will in turn send three players to Wolfsburg, Germany where they will take part in collision testing.

Said Hans-Jürgen Uhl, Safety Research Department Manager of VW Wolfsburg, "Wir können nicht warten, um diese drei Idioten hier und Kick ihnen herum!" (Use Google to translate, you lazy fuckers).

"As with all of our important decisions, we took a very strategic approach to engaging the market of potential jersey sponsors," said United President and CEO Kevin Payne. "Then we saw their wallet and needed no further deliberation."