FC Dallas have decided to turn lemons into lemonade when the Los Angeles Galaxy visit on May 23rd.
Teams are in full force selling season tickets. We would hate to have their job, after all, they're trying to sell in the worst economic environment in decades, and now David Beckham won't be coming to town.
FC Dallas announce "DB23 Voodoo Doll Night" to replace "Come See Beckham Night" on May 23rd. "Come on out and put a hex on Becks!" the posters will read. No fans could be reached for comment, as it is rumored that they do not exist.
The tug of war over the "soon to be retired ex-English captain whose best days are long gone" appears to have come to a close with everyone getting exactly what they want, except Don Garber. The clincher came last friday when The Don found John Wolyniec's head in his bed. Negotiating with the Italians is a bitch, eh Don?
He came, he saw, he had fucking floor seats for the Lakers! What will become of the Galaxy now that their brightest shining star is gone? What will happen to the success achieved over the past 2 years? Who will fellow Galaxy players hit up for some cashish in these rough economic times? Will Eddie Lewis become the media darling of the American sports landscape? So many questions, so few answers. One thing is for sure, DB23 probably won't be invited to dinner at the Garber's house any time soon. I'm sure David is crushed about that one.
We should all take a moment to admire the negotiating prowess of the league officials, who were able to wrangle a few more months of juice out of the DB23 PR machine. Nice going numnuts! You managed to bring back a player in the middle of the summer, precisely when interest in the league is always at it's lowest levels. For DB's sake, the Galaxy hopefully will be already out of the playoff picture. Sorry... I forgot this was MLS, everyone makes the playoffs! Even the slow kids!
No official word yet from DB23, but one of our insiders in Milano asked him about going back to Los Angeles. "It's no bother, I have a feeling that pesky knee injury will pop up again" he said, with a wink.
The New England Revolution announce plans to replace Galaxy and Beckham August 8th visit with "Batting Helmet Night". First 200 lucky fans will get an official Boston Red Sox batting helmet for free!
As teams face the new brave world where David Beckham will not be visiting their stadiums this summer, teams are scrambling to fill the promotional void left open. With the circus not coming to town, teams have to come up with something, anything, to attract those crowds. You know, they can't just expect people to show up because they like their local team.
In case you missed it, the header on the league's website says it's "Major" league soccer. So what better way to woo the fans out for a night of mediocre soccer than to tear a page out of the real Major League marketing playbook and give away free batting helmets? Bat night was ruled out as it was feared uninformed fans expecting to see Beckham would turn on gameday officials in a most violent manner with their new free weapons handed out at the turnstiles.
New England also considered making Shalrie Joseph BobbleHead Night, but scrapped that as rumor had it FC Dallas had beat them to that marketing gimmick for their May 23rd match against the Ex-Becks. Other teams have yet to finalize their promotions for when they host the LA Galaxy.
Coming to terms with the fact that your supposed soul mate has found a newer, more exciting love is hard to do. The picture above is not doctored, it's the homepage tonight of MLS featuring the first ever negative article about DB23.
Here is the opening salvo in the most entertaining break-up to hit the tabloid scene in 2009. I guess MLS is at that stage where they pretend they don't care yet somehow David's name keeps coming up in conversation. I would hate to be the rebound guy who gets stuck with the pile of emotional mess that MLS will be post-Beckham.
By this time next week we're sure you'll hear "The Don" say something along the lines of "I'm doing ok now. It's .... OK. Between you and me, he wasn't too good in bed anyways. I don't care what, or who, he does now. Fucking slut."
How great would it be if "The Don" goes all "Fatal Attraction" on David and starts showing up to his games in Milan?
The artificial deadline declared by MLS boss "The Don" Garber has passed this evening leading to all kinds of exuberant celebrations up at MLS offices. The media have also jumped on the bandwagon declaring the Davey B will be back with the Galaxy. We say, put the vaseline away boys, this is just getting started.
Big fucking deal. The deadline God, er... Don Garber, had declared has come and gone. I think it went something like "and at dusk on the 13th day of the second month, thou shall maketh thy offer, or consider thyself rejecteth!".
We picture Adriano Galliani, grand wizard of AC Milan, laughing at such ridiculous notions. They might be laughing themselves to sleep over in Milan tonight, only to pick the phone up tomorrow and dangle that multi-million dollar carrot in front of The Don's giant melon.
It's not like The Don has the will power to say no to money. A certain Austrian beverage company proved that. So let's cut the bullshit. Do you really think Don Garber has the balls to get in the way of this happening if DB23 really wants to stay over in Italy?
Shit, if I were The Don I would be careful about pissing off the Italians. He might wake up tomorrow with Landon Donovan's head under his bed sheets.
